U.S. Postal Service: You Thought We Were Slow Before…

snail-mailThe U.S. Postal Service has decided they can save about $1.5 billion a year in postal expenses by adding a day to first class and priority mail delivery.  The change would allow them to not pay weekend overtime and to use cheaper ground transportation instead of air.  Post office executives are expected to announce some of their plans for delivery changes after Labor Day.

This comes on the heels of the announcement that the service had a net loss of $3.1 billion in its third quarter and warned again it would default on payments to the federal government if Congress didn’t step in.

In its fourth straight year of declines, the USPS had a net loss of $8.5 billion for the 2010 fiscal year.

This is yet another reason to go paperless.  Being an avid technology user, I have switched all monthly bills to paperless and I will frequently use my iPhone to pay bills.  If the mailman never stopped at my house again all I’d miss out on is junk mail and the weekly task of redelivering my neighbor’s mail to the correct address.  I should bill the USPS for my delivery services.

In the event of an EMP I’m definitely in a world of trouble, but I doubt the USPS would be able to save the country by delivering mail.  Kevin Costner’s laughable flick The Postman may have ended with a statue erected of a society-saving mail carrier, but I will refer you back to the word laughable.

Seinfeld’s Newman would probably be closer in accuracy.
seinfeld
Postal Employee: “May I help you?”
Kramer: “Yeah, I’d like to cancel my mail.”
Postal Employee: “Certainly. How long would you like us to hold it?”
Kramer: “Oh, no, no. I don’t think you get me. I want out, permanently.”
Newman: “I’ll handle this, Violet. Why don’t you take your three hour break?
Oh, calm down, everyone. No one’s cancelling any mail.”
Kramer: “Oh, yes, I am.”
Newman: “What about your bills?”
Kramer: “The bank can pay ’em.”
Newman: “The bank. What about your cards and letters?”
Kramer: “E-mail, telephones, fax machines. Fedex, telex, telegrams,
holograms.”
Newman: “All right, it’s true! Of course nobody needs mail. What do you
think, you’re so clever for figuring that out? But you don’t know the half of
what goes on here. So just walk away, Kramer. I beg of you.”
Supervisor: “Is everything all right here, Postal Employee Newman?”
Newman: “Yes, sir, I believe everything is all squared away. Isn’t it, Mr.Kramer?”
Kramer: “Oh, yeah. As long as I stop getting mail!”
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