Top 25 Things You Have to Believe to Be a Democrat Today

This appears to have been written while Bill Clinton was President, but all are still correct.  I located this list on an old computer and it was not sourced.  If you know the original author or source, please let me know so I can give the proper credit.
  1. Drug addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding…unless the addict is a Conservative radio host.
  2. The United States should be subservient to the United Nations. Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution, but a collective of tin pot dictators (and their appeasers) and the U.N. charter.
  3. Government should relax drug laws regardless of the abuse potential, but should pass new anti-gun laws every time a gun is misused by a criminal.
  4. Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are “political opportunism,” but calls for more gun control after a criminal’s spree killing is “a logical solution.”
  5. “It Takes a Village” means everything you want it to mean…except creeping socialist government involvement in the nuclear family.
  6. Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect them from evil, lawless terrorists.
  7. Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists and convicted murderers & rapists is BAD.
  8. Every religion should be respected and promoted in public schools the name of diversity, so long as those religions don’t include Christianity.
  9. The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every move. This will let them know they’re thought of often.
  10. Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate if you’re the governor of California, but it’s okay if you’re the President of the United States.
  11. Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.
  12. Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist, but America is entirely at fault for the Jihadist’s hatred.
  13. Poverty is the cause of all terrorism…which is why the leaders of al Qaeda are almost entirely U.S.-educated and were raised in wealth and luxury.
  14. The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt’s Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded “necessary evils.”
  15. We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.
  16. Socialized medicine is the ideal. Never mind all those people who spend every dime they have to get to the United States so they can get quality medical care…that their nation’s socialized medical community can’t provide.
  17. Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political hacks.
  18. John Lott’s research on how gun ownership reduces crime is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign from Emory due to research misconduct over his book “Arming America”).
  19. Bush’s toppling the Saddam regime was a “diversion,” but Clinton’s lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was “sending a message.”
  20. A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president who references sixteen words from an allies’ intelligence report should be dragged through the streets naked.
  21. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that wouldn’t pass in any legislature.
  22. “The People” in the First Amendment means The People; “the People” in the Fourth Amendment means The People; “the People” in the Ninth Amendment means The People; but “the People” in the Second Amendment (ratified in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress in 1903).
  23. You support a woman’s “right to choose” to terminate a pregnancy, but don’t believe that same woman is competent enough to home school the children she bears.
  24. Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims of AWOL status is crucial to national security.
  25. Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura’s and Rush Limbaugh’s advertisers is exercising Freedom of Speech, but threatening to boycott CBS’s “The Reagans” and Liberal actors is censorship and McCarthyist blacklisting.
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